In middle school I was terribly depressed and lonely. I was made fun of because of my heavy weight. I hated school because of it. I knew who Jesus was and I knew he was the Son of God but he was somewhere far off. Jesus cares for me?
I was continually depressed through High school as well. It didn't help that my parents were continually fighting. They didn't drink or do drugs. I was never abused or anything. It was the verbal abuse that can really damage the inside of you. I hated my parents for it. I had no friends, no direction and no hope for the future. Now, looking back, I was lost. It was truly scary and terrifying. Depression is something not to be messed with. I even thought about what life would be like without me. I was a mess.
Not long after, in about 10th grade, we started going to this new church. It was really cool. People were real. You could tell they had something I didn't. I really felt left out. One day, I was waiting for my brother after his chorus practice. This guy came past and introduced himself as the church's youth pastor. "Hey would you like to come to youth group on Sunday night?" he asked. I thought sure why not and agreed to go. The next night I was amazed at the love the youth and youth leaders spread. I began to understand who Jesus really was.
Meantime, my parents continued to fight and I was just wanted a friend so bad! That's when I started to fall. I started getting into a lot of magazines and internet stuff. (pornography) I looked everywhere to fill my soul. I wanted peace and happiness so bad! Doesn't every body? I continued to spiral up and down in my emotions. I accepted Jesus at one of the youth retreats. It was a an awesome experience and really believed my life had been changed. When I went home. nothing changed I was still lonely and my parents were getting a divorce. My senior year of high school, my Mom remarried and we moved to Maryland. It was three hours from where I previously lived in PA. I was crushed. I had lived in PA all my life, how could this happen!?
My whole senior year, I was worse off than I originally started. The hatred for my parents grew. I was in a new school and had to leave the church that I began to grow and love. I dived into the internet more than ever. I finally came to the point when I had nowhere to turn. I crashed. I sat one night and cried. I just cried out to God for help. As I did, something came over me. It was a calming peace. Its hard to describe it. Its like a cool wave rushing over your body. I felt the Lord was with me that night. I just laid on the floor, crying and thanking him.
So, I rededicated my life to him and threw off my old self. My addiction to pornography had died with Christ. Jesus filled the whole inside with peace. The Lord has since given me peace and a growing hunger for Him. Everyday I live for Him. Even among trials and pain, he's always there for me. He holds my hand every day and is my source of joy. He has given me a reason to live. Accept Him and know Him fully. He too can give you peace and contentment. This world has nothing to offer me anymore, I look to Him. Accept Jesus into your heart.